There I Go Thinking Like a Human Again

As we reach our Nations’ independence day of 2022, the day marks not just 246 years since our declaring our independence from the British Empire, but also 16 years since I began a new life after brain injury (borrowing Krempels Centers’ tagline). In some ways the time has gone by in a blur and my disabilities have become fully a part of me, not requiring any intentional adjustments to function, however, that feeling of something being off or “not quite right” hasn’t fully dissolved, and perhaps it never will. I guess it is something to be grateful for, which is not lost on me, that today I find the most challenging aspects of my day to day life to be just the ordinary things most people face, usually the stress of allocating a resource to fit my current situation.

When the term “allocating” in reference to a “resource” is mentioned, undoubtedly most minds think in terms of budgeting and their finances. With money, things are pretty black and white, you can either afford something or you can’t; things like energy on the other hand, particularly for BI survivors, can be a challenge: As much as I don’t like to admit it, fatigue is omnipresent and even the things I enjoy can be draining. So to answer that age old question: Can you have too much of a good thing? Yes, I’ve learned that even when scheduling fun activities, moderation can’t be forgotten.

So what about another good thing: Love? do I have to ration that or else my ability to love becomes depleted? Is love a zero sum game? A tangible example of where I’m going with this post has been my experience as an uncle; Uncle Yimmy or Silly, depending who you ask! I’ll never forget seeing my first born Nephew that day in the hospital. I was fortunate to be living in a neighboring town at the time and was able to visit him soon after his debut. Two things struck me, first he was absolutely adorable! And second, he was already my size…

In all seriousness, I was and continue to be head over heels in love with SP! He is the first of a the next generation for our family and brings great joy. Just short of three years later my Brother welcomed his first child, my niece Nora and then a week later, my Sister delivered my second Nephew: I can’t even describe the excitement and love packed into those seven days! To be honest though, I remember being a little anxious leading up to the births. Would I be able to love my new niece and nephew as much as my I did my first? Would I need to consciously transfer some of my caring away from SP to the newborns?

I’ve often heard and have come to believe that God is Love and therefore Love is God. Fortunately for us all, human constraints like the concept of scarcity don’t apply to his Spiritual dimension. I was delighted to find when I held my niece and then newborn nephew just days later, plenty of additional love simply manifested out of thin air.  One of my favorite pictures (that just so happens to be my laptops’ wallpaper and this posts’ featured image) is a snapshot of my sitting on the couch in the hospital holding a freshly delivered nephew with his approaching 3 year old brother at my side. When I reflect back on that day now, I have to laugh thinking how anxious I was that I’d be able to generate enough love for the occasion. The truth is something I oft hear in recovery rooms: I couldn’t, he (God) could, so I let him!