The Road to Gratitude
Having just enjoyed another wonderful Thanksgiving with the Murray’s, my brother-in law’s generous family who always welcomes Aimee’s last single sibling to holidays when I find myself without a holiday invite, I find myself pondering a familiar question. As usual, Clooney also made the trip, although this year I was joined by my parents who find themselves up here in the frozen North later than typical. My morning started off incredibly peaceful with my 60 lb heated blanket, Clooney, slumbering away on top of me and sharing his body heat quietly until 6 AM. Perhaps it was the extra 90 minutes of sleep than usual, but as Cloon and I walked our usual route around Portsmouth’s sleepy morning streets, I was filled with a tremendous feeling of gratitude!
I’ve written on MTSB (in So Many “G” Words) about my struggle with feelings of guilt seeming to overpower gratitude as I experience the many blessings in my life. With this tendency, my surprise at the joy and calm I felt simply strolling through town without that gnawing feeling of guilt creeping in was a great way to start Thanksgiving. You’ll have to forgive my random stream of consciousness as I try to pull my thoughts together. I’m sure I’ve mentioned that I; like most people, but particularly brain injury survivors, find great comfort and seem to do well in a well structured routine. That said, with Krempels Center closed today, I feel a bit lost not to be sitting in the Morning Meeting at 10:30AM on a Friday morning.
But back to The Road to Gratitude… Not that long ago I wrote in “It’s the Journey” about another road: “The Road of Happy Destiny”. The word road sure does seem to be popping up a lot? That post examined how it was a road “of” rather than “to” happy destiny that we trudge in recovery. This seemingly minor and semantical difference in word choice reminds me that it is in fact the journey, not the destination, where the experience of living occurs highlighting the importance of enjoying each moment. This thought brings to mind some inspiring words I recall hearing that I unfortunately can’t find who to credit or even the first time I heard them:
“Somedays life is all about your dreams, hopes and visions for the future. But there are some days where life is just about putting one foot in front of the other. And that’s okay.”
While the above words are really beautiful and a great reminder to all of us who feel overwhelmed with societal, family, or internal expectations; for me, the key is believing that simply putting one foot in front of the other is ok. Even after enjoyable and stress free days, actually particularly after those ones, I find myself with the disconnected feeling that everything’s good; yet somehow I shouldn’t feel contented. Of course, as I’ve been told repeatedly, feelings aren’t facts.
Ironically, it’s these serene and contented feelings that I need to learn to sit with, not the “distress” that so many therapeutic modules (ie. CBT/DBT) focus on. Whether the work is in reshaping my self-image from an inherently broken, unworthy individual to being one of God’s children worthy of his Grace and joy or to becoming comfortable with feelings of gratitude, to be a gracious recipient sure is a worthy goal. Perhaps that “Road of Happy Destiny” doesn’t lead to a particular point, but rather if the journey itself is a grateful one, then I’ve surely “Reached My Destination!”