So This is Gratitude?
Apparently the month of July is a time of calendar driven reflection with not only my birthday, but also the anniversary of a car crash that left me among those fortunate to survive a Traumatic Brain Injury learning to live a “New Life After Brain Injury”. It’s always interesting to navigate the day without slipping into morbid reflection, that unhealthy mental state brought on by reviewing the past mentioned in AA’s Big Book. While I cannot claim to being entirely immune from these difficult feelings of underachievement and failure brought on by comparing myself to the “normal” or others, discussed further in “Comparison: Thee old thief of joy”. That this struggle with reflection is not unique to me helps: So as the saying goes, I guess I am indeed just another bozo on the bus!
In all serious, I just wanted to take a moment and share the interesting emotion that is washing over me this morning after my usual early morning wake up moan from Cloon. And you thought he would allow me to sleep until at least 5:30 on the morning after my birthday, but I digress…and he is adorable! I had dinner last night with my current roommate Ben, my first roommate after my TBI Chris and his awesome son CJ, Andy, and my favorite dinner date Nora! It was an unplanned birthday dinner that filled me with gratitude. It was nice to have a chance to catch up with Chris who Clooney is always beside himself with excitement to see.
Chris was my roommate for more than three years over which I lost my first and childhood dog, Boomer, welcomed Cloon from Georgia, and really started to live a life not entirely focused on regaining lost skills and abilities. I still remember shortly after Chris moved out after changing jobs and was having a meeting in Portsmouth’s Market Square when I was walking Clooney by Popovers on the Square’s outside seating area. As soon as Cloon saw Chris, the determined march was on. I was pulled hastily across the square only to have Clooney attempt to hurdle a black fence to see his buddy. Whether Coon was more excited to see Chris or vice versa is probably a coin flip, but it was cool to see!
Apparently Clooney has a way of connecting with people as Ben’s first night at our place illustrates. Ben had moved to Portsmouth from NY in the midst of the pandemic and we’d met becoming pretty good friends. He had lived at a couple different places and had an appointment near Portsmouth, but was living over an hour away. Having an extra room, I asked if Ben wanted to crash for the night prior to his morning meeting and he decided to in order to avoid an early commute to look at a nearby apartment. I can’t remember what had me up in the middle of the night, but when I walked into the living room I found Clooney sleeping under a blanket! Using my logic skills, I quickly realized that either Clooney was an exceptionally dexterous canine, or Ben had tucked him in. Before leaving that morning, Ben said Clooney looked cold so he tucked him in! It was then I knew Ben would be a great fit with the King (Clooney) and I.
It may have been the combination of enjoying some time with good friends who’ve at some time also been roommates (except for Nora and CJ as for being roommates), that my dinner was paid for, or Nora’s precious smile across the table, but I was right where I wanted to be! It was a great birthday and perhaps the best present of all: A living example that things aren’t going to be ok…they already are!