It may not be 250, but 20 years has been quite the journey!

There’s something about nice, round, even number year-anniversaries that seem to have more meaning: And I’m finding that to be the case for the 20 year mark since that fateful July 4th, 2006. I included a reference to America’s Semiquincentennial not to place my own experience on the historical level of importance as our American journey; but more due to the date, how it represents the end of one life, and my gratitude and awe for my “new life after brain injury!”

The new version of my life after that night 20 years ago wasn’t the result of a brave decision to break free from tyrannical rule like the choice the revolutionists made in 1776, rather the result of my unplanned destruction of what had been a rather blessed 23 year life. Having just graduated college 2 months prior I found myself as I surmise many new graduates do; with the mix of excitement at being credentialed a college grad yet terrified and nervous of what would come next. It was a crushing feeling having to actualize all of the “potential” that I had spent so many years fostering while cocooned in a loving family with a structured path.

Perhaps adding to my apprehension was that all of my life up until that point had been spent in a preparatory mode, but never actually expected to productively engage with the world. Whether it was going to Readiness because I wasn’t ready for 1st grade, a Postgraduate year of prep school to prepare for college, or even my exploration of studying law, a life I spent prepping for seemed to be about to begin. Although not intentionally or strategic in any way, the traumatic brain injury I acquired now 20 years ago placed me in what has felt like another long period of preparation.

I haven’t been shy or held back in relating some of the limiting human emotions that have accompanied me on my journey before and after traumatic brain injury, and I’m certainly not going to start now! That said, those feelings of insecurity, being judged by other’s opinions, unease with the future; really just fear in different masks, feel particularly strong right now despite things being at a relative calm. I say “despite”, when in fact it may be that without identifiable external causes or distractions to attribute these feelings, I’m able to see them as just that, feelings that are part of the human experience.

We’re all probably familiar with “Footprints in the Sand”, the allegorical Christian poem using sets of footprints to symbolize God’s presence in our lives. It is during the most challenging points of the path that only one set of prints appear. At these periods of travel it can appear that our traveler has been abandoned: In fact, these particularly difficult portions are where we are safely carried.  Blessed with awareness and increasing gratitude for my life, I’m able to see that for me it is my thoughts that present these challenges along the trail. Despite knowledge that my mind creates many of the obstacles or magnifies small impediments along the way, I’m still pray to fear and feelings of hopelessness.

I choose to think that God is Love and Love is God. Fortunately for me that Power works through living things, with me experiencing an abundance of it through my life. Whether the amazing medical and rehabilitative care I received, the recovery fellowship, inspiration and support of David Krempels‘ vision at KBIC, true friends, and my amazing family; my gratitude for the grace I’ve received can’t be overstated: Happy 250th America and Thank You!