Infused With Gratitude

I suppose if most people were to look back over their lives looking for reasons to feel guilty or underserving of how their current circumstances turned out, the evidence wouldn’t be too difficult to find. Whether through comparison to individuals who’ve suffered immensely or who’s hard work hasn’t been rewarded, low self-esteem, or even inherent feelings of unworthiness; as odd as it seems, people can struggle in times of abundance. I’ve often written about my tendency to let guilt dampen my joy when grateful acceptance of life’s blessings would certainly be preferred. Don’t worry dear reader, I’ll spare you from a laundry list of times I judge my circumstances to be unwarranted. In fact, rather than traverse that morose road, I want to use this latest post to share a grateful reflection I’ve been having the last few days.

I don’t think that I’ve hidden my preference for the warmer months over the cold, dark, and seemingly endless winters we seem to have in New Hampshire. In fact, I’m beginning to think I may actually be cold blooded! While that last comment is straight hyperbole, having been fortunate to spend this last week visiting my parents in Florida has really made something very clear to me: I have come a long way! I could’ve just as accurately written that “we” have come a long way to recognize the incredible support that’s been given me not only in my recovery journey, and entire life, but I will own this momentary observation.

Being here in beautiful Southeastern Florida means, of course, a dose of beautiful weather and as much golf as my bank account will allow. While the weather and enjoying one of my favorite activities in itself is enough to boost my spirits; the comparison to trips I made down here at various points since my Traumatic Brain Injury provide a great barometer of progress. I was still living at my parents house and needing a lot of help to get through my days when they began spending major periods of time here. I didn’t have a license, still needed my trusty Bioness (A functional electrical stimulation (FES) device) to walk without dragging my left foot, and was really struggling with my mental health.

During that same period, I had slowly began a move out of my parents house to my own place in Portsmouth. At first; with a “chaperone” of sorts, whether Jeremiah, a good friend and PT from Portsmouth Hospital, Mom or Dad, and gradually with more autonomy, but still fairly dependent on others. Although having made much progress, I ended up tagging along as my parents transitioned to living in Florida. I can only imagine the thoughts going through their heads’ as my parents’ then almost 30 year old son (yours truly) shadowed them as they began a new “Snowbird” life.

While it was nice being chauffeured to and from meetings, getting all cooking and cleaning done for me, basically having things managed for me, it wasn’t like I could do those things for myself. I don’t know about conversations that my parents had between themselves, but I thankfully never heard any complaints because God knows I felt like a huge burden. Regardless, as I drove down the road a couple of days ago I had to recognize how far I’ve come. Although, I seem to forget how to do most household things and certainly laundry on the 3 hour flight down here!