19 years or 6,940 days later…
First a little clarity on this post’s title: I used a net-based tool to determine it has been 6,940 days from when I sustained a Traumatic Brain Injury on 7/4/06 until today. For all those trying to catch me in a mathematical error, it isn’t simply 6,935 day (365×19) because apparently we had 5 leap years in that time. Although tempted to say something like, “While I appreciate the fireworks, they’re not necessary” as I did two years ago in my 17th anniversary post, I did not want to lead off what I hope to be an expression of deep gratitude and amazement in a satirical manner. While the words gratitude and amazement may seem to be chosen without much thought, each serve as appropriate descriptors of where I find myself almost seven thousand days into a new life after brain injury!
Gratitude
For those long time MTSB followers, it may seem that the word gratitude comes up a lot. In fact, multiple posts have investigated the sentiment and the difficulty I seem to have feeling grateful. Although the tendency for guilt to crowd out appreciative emotions can still plague me upon recognition of the blessings in my life, thankfully, with continued intentionality I find myself able to let go of judgement. Whether it’s the love of friends and family, the amazing support at Krempels, the Seacoast’s recovery community, my work with RAWZ or being blessed with incredible canines, the unmerited gifts I’ve received astound me.
Speaking about the incredible Krempels Brain Injury Center, while my gratitude for all who make this amazing community what it is, is immense, being able to attend and introduce David Krempels at the organization’s 25th Anniversary Celebration was incredible! The June event was phenomenal and a substantial fundraiser highlighting the magic that all of us KBIC members’ experience.
Amazement
While I’m certainly not devoutly religious or a spiritual guru, the amazement I experience at all the examples of a power greater than myself working in the world around me is powerful! In fact, if a period of time goes by without my sensing this power it’s always because I’m overly focused on me and my problems, simply unconscious to the miracles. While I could populate multiple volumes with anecdotes from my experience, here’s two instances that really bolstered my faith:
As some of my early posts chronicled I dealt with my first experience heartbreak in 2020. At the time, living alone and with pretty much all in-person activity shifted online due to the Covid pandemic, I was becoming increasingly isolated and depressed. One night after venturing over to my brother’s for dinner, although still in a funk, engaging with my year-old niece Nora had me somewhat joyful. It was then that Andy got home from work and came rolling in the house exclaiming, “Where’s my little girl?”
Upon hearing her father’s voice, my adorable niece sprang to her feet and ran to greet him! Watching the love between Nora and Andy as she leapt into his arms snapped me out of my funk, although a bit ego-deflated to see how quickly I went from the center of attention to an afterthought (a theme for this middle-child with the Valedictorian older sister and cute little brother). Watching the love Nora had for Andy, the way she made her determined steps to greet him really personified love (God) to me in that moment!
Before I write another novel gushing about my adorable nieces and nephews, I have to share another story from this heartbroken period of time from either just before or right after watching Nora embrace Andy. Aimee, Pat, and my nephews had ventured up for a weekend to my parents and I headed up with Clooney. One morning as I sat at the kitchen table doing my AM routine, my Godson Shaun suddenly appeared in the dark. Noticing that I had been a bit sullen, Shaun asked, “You’ve been kind of quiet, what’s wrong?
Once I gathered my composure after the unexpected pre-dawn visit, I replied, “I’m ok. I’m just sad because my friend doesn’t want to be my friends anymore.”
After climbing onto a chair next to me and placing his hand on of mine, Shaun’s simple observation let me know everything was going to be ok: “It’s ok, I’m still you’re friend!”
So Barry did know after all
So 19 years since I joined the ranks of TBI survivors I can’t say that my recovery has been perfect, 100% complete, or that life’s perfect; but my gratitude for the blessings in my life and amazement at how God keeps showing up in powerful ways becomes increasingly greater. Looking back on all that has transpired over the last 19 years it strikes me that Barry’s been right all along…I can’t count how many times after listening to my calling with a new crises, my dear friend Barry would reply, “Everything’s going to be ok.”
After hearing my skeptically phrased question, “How do you know that?”, his reply was always, “I have it from a high authority, that it’s going to be ok!” Happy 4th to all and thank you for your part in this beautiful life!