The Big Lie

Don’t be fooled by this post’s title; I will not be examining claims regarding the 2020 Presidential Elections’ integrity in More Than a Speed Bump’s latest piece. In fact, initially my thought was to title this post “Identify, don’t compare V.2”, before I realized that at this early point of MTSB’s, hopefully long, lifespan, to begin recycling titles might be bad precedent. After I concluded that I needed an original title, this media phrase came to mind. After all, while the earlier piece looked at the human tendency view personal experiences as uniquely ours and that others could never understand, driving a wedge between us all: This post will look at another common thinking error. I use the term “common” due to how often I hear individuals relay this line of thinking, not just to make myself feel better for falling prey to thinking this way myself. In case any of you, dear readers, are holding your’ breaths I better give you an idea of where I’m going. It seems that when in the throes of any problem or challenge, it’s easy to think that with the particular problem’s resolution, all will be easy and life will be bliss.

Perhaps even more relatable is the saying (which the internet tells me is called an idiom), “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” The grass may indeed be greener over there; but it might actually be AstroTurf or that when seen from a distance, the crabgrass and weeds are imperceptible. Whatever the situation, when making an observation that is used to compare one’s own circumstance to another’s, the only situation of which we have full visibility is our own. I called this post “The Big Lie”, because I’ve noticed most of us tend to tell ourselves that our problems are unique and that when they’re resolved, all will be a breeze.

Just the fact that we’re constantly delaying our self-actualization or even contentment until all the circumstances of our lives fall neatly into place would be harmful enough, but the true cost of this perception may be that it only further divides us all. Who among us hasn’t thought “if only I had (a physical trait/luck/upbringing/education…) I could have achieved…”, or perhaps more common, “If they had to deal with (insert personal challenge here (disability/lack of resources/tragedy…) they wouldn’t be able to accomplish so much.” Of course, we all deal with challenging things through our lives, with varying levels of impact on our day to day activities. The point isn’t to diminish any one person’s achievement, excuse harmful behavior, or invalidate an individuals experience (including our own), rather to honor that we’re all just perfect spiritual beings having imperfect human experiences.

The genesis for this post came from an interesting question I received during a recent HS speaking engagement. A student asked “How long after the accident until I started to think about the possibility of writing and sharing my story with others?” Now truth be told, it wasn’t really a conscious decision to move into a new stage of living with a brain injury. It truly was Grace that found me a member of Krempels Center (KC), sharing my experience with others through their Community Education group and discovering the joy of writing in KC’s expressive programming. Had I put together a list of things that would mark my readiness to begin outreach, I may not have reached that elusive state of readiness (And, maybe I haven’t and am just giving it the old college try!). I’ve always thought of the different therapies I’ve been lucky enough to partake in as teaching me how to function, while it has been at KC where I began living again!